The Pleasing of People

So, I’ve learned something about myself. First, you need to know that I’m a recovering people-pleaser. I used to think that people-pleasing wasn’t necessarily a bad trait to have. I mean, it’s better than being a narcissist, right? Wrong. People-pleasers can be just as selfish and controlling. 

As a people-pleaser, I set out to control the way people viewed me. I didn’t please them to give them a hand or to help out. No, I pleased in the hopes that it would make me look good or to avoid a conflict I didn’t think I was strong enough to have. I was doing my best to control the thoughts and opinions of the people around me, to control the situation I was in to make it less difficult or uncomfortable. I conformed myself to fit the role they wanted me to play. I deceived them into thinking I was a person they should like. 

Now that I’m a recovering people-pleaser, I don’t rely on their opinions of me anymore to find my self-worth. Good, right? Well, yes…but I’m quickly learning that since I don’t value how they see me anymore, I don’t care much about them at all. I would even say that I don’t like people…can’t stand them. I much rather be alone. I’m bitter and resentful when I have to be around them. 

In my people-pleasing years, they served me with their positive opinions of me. It made me feel good when they liked me or they gave me praise. Now that their opinions don’t carry much weight, they don’t serve me at all and therefore, are not worth my time or energy. What an awful way of thinking about my fellow human beings…yet, I was realizing it was the ugly truth. 

So, it’s time to go back to God and ask Him to change my heart yet again. I’m relearning what it means to have compassion and empathy. To see people the way God sees them. Not how they can serve me but how can I serve them. Because, now that I’m not consumed with changing myself to become who they need me to be, I can focus on how I can serve them from the person I already am. And, let me tell you, it’s way less exhausting. Especially, as I accept the fact that I’m not going to have what everyone needs…and that’s okay.

A Pause for Beauty

My favorite part of the week is Saturday and Sunday mornings when I take my coffee and journal outside to my porch just before the sun rises for the day. As it makes its appearance, I pause and allow the stillness of the morning to drench me, the rays of beauty to chase away the chill of the night. Knowing that if I don't stop and appreciate it in the moments it chooses to peak over the horizon, I won’t get the chance again until the next morning. So, I stop, I breathe in the crisp air, and I cast all my thoughts that are swirling in my head to the side because the beauty of the sun waking up is worth my full attention.